There is only one thing worse than death, and that’s public speaking. Apparently, I’ve never been a good speaker, so if I mumble let me know… plus I'm nervous as shit.
The Accident
- June 26th is a date that I will live with forever. The day started out just like any other day, waking up late, eating my normal breakfast while I watched the mice run around the house. The motorbike ride was always planned for the morning. Not owning a bike I was already the odd one out, decked out in my work clothes, boots and leather gloves while the other guys had their flash bikes and proper motorbike gear. I don’t want you to think that I was being a bit of a cowboy, I still had sufficient protection and of course I was wearing a helmet. We set off, and already by the first corner I was at the back of the pack, and that’s how it was to stay for the entire ride. I was at least a couple of minutes behind the pack but we regrouped every 10 minutes or so. We were only a couple of kilometers away from home when the accident happened. I obviously hit the wrong spot on the track, and got thrown off the motorbike. Straight away, I knew something was wrong – but I didn’t know to what extent. It’s funny, I wasn’t in any pain, I just had trouble with my breathing. I think shock and adrenalin took over. I had Jocks phone in my pocket at the time and I remember trying to reach for it but when I realized I couldn’t move my arm, that’s the point where I gave up. I stayed conscious the whole time and after about 10 minutes I heard the sound of a motorbike coming back towards my way, and at that moment I knew I was safe. The ambulance came and took me to the Loxton hospital, from here I was flown to the RAH. After being on some heavy drugs, I wasn’t with it all that much and apparently preferred to go to the Loxton bakery before seeing any hospital rooms. After my admission they shaved my head and screwed weights into each side of my skull, this was just the start of many other obstacles that I have had to overcome. I had two operations, one lasting nine hours to fix the fifth vertebrae in my neck. They took a piece of bone from my hip and with other plates they replaced the bone. This has given me limited movement in my arms and obviously no feeling below my shoulders. I was ventilated right from the start. For two weeks I had tubes down my throat, which was replaced with a tracheostamy to keep me breathing. Both didn’t allow me to talk so for about two months I had no voice and the only way of communication was through lip reading. You probably don't appreciate how tough it is getting through each day without a voice! This was probably the most frustrating impact this injury has had on me. There were times where I wanted something but no one could understand me, even with the smartest people in the room, they still couldn’t work it out. The littlest obstacles felt as if it was a big dilemma. I didn’t eat for a good proportion of the 72 days I was in the RAH, which made me lose more than 13 kilos. With my appetite slowly coming back, the weight is slowly coming back on. ICU was a pretty demanding time. It was obviously when I was at my worst, I had tubes and all-sorts hanging out of me to keep me alive. I think even I’m allowed to say that I’ve come along way since being in ICU. There’s not all that much to talk about in regards to ICU because not a lot happened. It was the same thing, day after day for 51 days. It all just seems like a blur to me really.
One thing I do want to do tonight is to raise people’s understanding and awareness about spinal cord injuries because there’s a lot more to being a quadriplegic than you think. A lot of people may think that you can’t move your limbs or feel below a certain level and that’s it, but there are a lot of hidden challenges that I have to live and deal with everyday. Having lost my abdominal muscles, I can’t cough, I can’t balance and I can’t laugh like I used to be able to. Sneezing is also a painful experience. My lung capacity has been reduced which makes it hard to talk loudly and I often have to take breaths half way through a sentence. Everyone takes day-to-day tasks for granted and it’s not until something like this happens that you realise just how important the littlest things can be.
On the 7th of September I made my way to Hampstead, where I was to start my rehab. I have an hour of physio and an hour of Occupational Therapy each day. This therapy has seen improvements in my arm function. With a bit of help, I am now able to use an ipad and computer and other things that you would normally use in day-to-day life. It’s good being around people that are in the same situation. We’re able to joke about our accidents and make light fun of the cards we have been dealt. I’ve found this helpful because I figure if you can’t laugh about it, your quality of life will be far less.
Recently, I’ve been able to go out to the movies a couple of time and more enjoyably, to the Kensi. It was good to get out into the real world again after four months of living life within four walls. It made me feel as if I was fitting back into society again. Seeing cars drive past, traffic lights change colour and groups of people walking around was such a huge relief. But it’s not all enjoyable when I go out. Having people look and stare at you brings me crashing back down. It kind of makes me realise how arrogant and naive I used to be. Now when I look at people in wheel chairs I know they have a life-changing story to tell, I don’t just see them as some other poor bastard stuck in a chair.
One of the first people on the scene was Jock McNeil, and I couldn’t have asked for a better mate to be there at the time. Ever since the accident, he’s been right by my side. I remember vaguely joking with him in the ambulance to the Loxton hospital and it seemed like at the time, having a broken neck was the last thing on my mind. I remember the last time I saw Jock cry was when we were young tackers at my place when I accidently punched his two front teeth out. I thought I would never see him cry again, but he’s been the mate that I’ve been able to cry with and laugh with. Even on my shittiest days he’s been able to make the day just that little bit better. Mate, I’ve heard from other people that this has hit you really hard, as it has me, but I want you to know that I’ll be there for you just as much as you have been there for me.
Another person that has been there right from the start is Chris Mehaffy. Before the accident I wouldn’t have counted you as one of my closest mates but you’ve definitely given the support and courage that I needed. I remember on a couple of occasions you told me that I was an inspiration, but my inspiration comes from people like you who are going through their own troubles and are still willing to be there by other peoples side. My life has only changed for 5 months so far but I believe yours has been with you for a lot longer and I’m not quite sure how you stayed so tough for so long without showing a sign of weakness. You put a lot of things in front of you and if people knew your whole story, you would be a bigger inspiration than someone like me.
Other people that have been there from the start and the most important people to me are my family, without them I’d rather be pushing daisies. Everyone in my family has made a big sacrifice to be there by my side, daily.
My sister Kendall, with her daughter Sophia, made it all the way back from Derby in WA the day after the accident. To take herself and her child away from her husband must have been a huge demand, but such a huge relief for me.
Commuting from WA has been hard for my brother in-law Fieldy, but he’s been there to help me watch almost every top gear episode.
My sister, Bee, was actually on holidays in Derby at the time of my accident, so I’m sorry for cutting your holiday short...and also I would like to thank you, as well as Craig, for everything you do for me.
To Mum and Dad, I’m not going to lie to you… there have been the days where I wish that I could just tell you to piss off! But I do love you and appreciate everything you do for me including the considerable amount of time you have taken off work. As a 19 year old male I never thought seeing your parents day after day for months at a time would be so enjoyable.
My sister, Courtney has also always been there for me, trying to organise different celebrities to come and see me but at no fault of hers, the pricks just wouldn’t come.
You guys have been great, and are the most important to me and my recovery.
To be honest Im glad that Im in this situation and not any of you guys because I couldn’t bear to watch you go through the things that Ive had to.
Unfortunately it takes something like this to realise who are your best mates, friends and the people who just want to be friends on Facebook. I’ve had many different friends come through the hospital and visit and they probably don't know but it definitely made a huge difference to each of the 72 days that I was trapped in hospital. I know it’s probably awkward for the friends I wasn’t so close with, but you don't know how much I appreciate seeing you, or just having a good old catch-up.
I would like to say a special thanks to my mates from school who haven’t stopped coming in and spending time with me. I’ve had a lot of support from my mates from back home in Naracoorte, you guys know who you are. You visited on numerous occasions and travelled over three hours just to spend a half an hour with me. I will always remember one of the first gifts they gave me… it was a nice little photo album, which I have to thank the majority of the females in Naracoorte for baring all and letting the photos get to me.
Prior to the accident, football was a big part of my life, and there was nothing I enjoyed more than playing for the Pembroke old scholars. Despite this year being only my second season, my arrival was welcomed by a lot of people. 2009 was a good season and I got to meet great new people on and off the field. The Pembroke footy club has been incredibly supportive, and that has carried on right up until today. The fundraisers and support you have given me is greatly appreciated by myself, and my family. The Kings didn’t have all that much success this year but hopefully there are better things to come in the 2011 season. The Kyby footy club, back where it all started, has also been a great support. It’s been good to be able to leave the club and still have the support from all the members.
In the short 19 years that I had full function, I was just like everyone else. I’d made my mistakes, like the time I got my tattoo – sorry Jimmy but that really was a mistake! I’d also had a few achievements that I am proud of, like the time I first flew a plane solo even before I drove a car by myself. Also, I passed school, which at times I thought I wouldn’t.
Since the accident, I’ve read a lot about myself in various newspapers, and I’ve heard a lot of stories about how my accident supposedly happened and nothing pisses me off more than reading or hearing something wrong. I’ve read that I would be breathing from a tube for the rest of my life, I heard that I swerved to miss a snake, people thought I wouldn’t talk again and I can proudly say that all of that is bullshit.
Over the last 5 months, there has been a lot of time where I have been able to think and the question I always come back to asking myself is ‘why did this have to happen to me?’. I know I wasn’t born to be a quadriplegic…but I guess it’s a question that I’m always going to be asking myself. People say that everything happens for a reason, and I know its only early days yet but I’m still trying to find that reason.
Before I wrap it up, there are a few thankyous I would like to say.
- Firstly, to the Crowhurst family, Annabelle Reeve, Paul Sharman, Sophie Wilkinson and Luke Evans for organizing tonight, they have obviously gone to a lot of effort.
- Kellie Field has done a great deal of work with the website and preparation for tonight so a big thanks to her.
- To the Pembroke, Naracoorte, and Kyby Football Clubs for continuously supporting me.
- To the McNeil Family, you haven’t left my side. You guys have been so supportive and I’m just sorry I had to leave the farm this way.
- To the Schreier family and Browns of Padthaway for their generous donations of the wine that was supplied tonight.
- To Jack Whightman for putting together all the filming and slideshows, thank you for your effort.
- And everyone that has donated items for the auction, obviously tonight couldn’t have gone ahead without you.
And lastly, I appreciate everyone coming out tonight I never expected so many people. I’m just relieved that 700 people could come to my fundraising dinner instead of 700 people being at my funeral.
Thank you and good night.